How much is too much?

Should your child go for the football practice 5 days a week? Are 3 days enough? It is common for parents to be a little confused when it comes to deciding how much is too much with reference to after school activities.

They argue that since most of the activities are fun (as different from studies), children will simply lap up these classes. But, too much of fun can also make a child sick. Here is a simple guide that will help you decide how much is too much for your child.

Kindergarten:

Your child is just beginning to learn to interact and get used to discipline. His or her after-school life should be simple and carefree. One or two classes per week are enough at the beginning. Once the child settles down, look for more challenging activities like a music program.

Grade 1:
One or two activities per week, play dates and playground visits are recommended. Avoid competitive sports activities. The child is still too young to have to worry about winning and losing. After the rigors of a full day at school, he or she needs a healthy outlet for pent up energy.
Physical activities and noncompetitive sports are best for this age.

Grade 2:
Your child is old enough to voice opinions on what activities he or she wants. Sports, skating, swimming or computers - steer him towards things he likes. Many children begin lessons on a musical instrument around this age. But, allow your child some 'alone time' during which he can unwind and just do whatever he wishes.

Grade 3:
Socialization begins to take center stage. Team sports are a good choice. Developing motor skills, painting, drawing etc are good too. Let the child explore areas of interests. But leave aside enough time for the family and for fun activities.

Grade 4:
At this age, the child will tell you what he likes. He needs to get involved in activities that will boost his confidence. This will also help him manage stress as this is the time when social pressure is beginning to build. But, beware of the homework demon. Your child needs more time with his studies. Balancing his schoolwork with other activities is very important.

Grade 5:
The fifth grader is bubbling with energy and will want to do just about everything. But she or he may conveniently push studies to the background. So, close supervision is needed. Keep one or two days free for family time and other activities. Now is a great time to get your child interested in community service.

Middle school:
Steer him away from TV. Get him engaged in activities that reinforce learning. Academic performance can be improved by encouraging your preteen to join clubs like the Girl/Boy Scouts program, language clubs, chess clubs etc. As a thumb rule, 16-20 hours a week of extra activity should be more than enough. But look out for signs of burnout.

What you select for your child and how long he should work at it is basically decided by the child's temperament. As a parent, you should closely observe your child and base your decisions on feedback from the child himself.

Boring after school activities

Why does Lisa grumble when it is time for her to go for her piano lessons?. How come Johnny abhors the sight of his skates now? After all, these children were very enthusiastic about the programs when they started off. What happened? Parents are often confused by the disturbing and often incongruous signals they receive from their children. One day the kids are excited about the new theatre class and in just a few short weeks they wail and moan when it's time to go.

The first thing a family should do when a child begins resisting a previously loved activity is to listen and investigate. Do not jump into conclusions. A little bit of intelligent sleuthing is required. Ask your child what he or she does in the class. Find out what exactly is the cause of the problem. Then ask the teachers the same questions. Compare notes. You may stumble on some important clues. Usually, children start out on an activity thinking it's all fun. But when they realize that they cannot just hang out and that they need to follow rules etc, they begin to
resist. Your child may feel stifled if the program is too structured. If the discipline is too rigorous or the activity too painful (like a karate class) some children balk. Use your own instincts. Does the program feel like fun? Would you want to attend it yourself? Are they offering enough motivation to keep the child interested?

The teacher-to-child ratio is also an important factor. Children need attention. If the number of teachers is just enough to handle a class, it is possible that your child is not receiving enough attention. State recommendations usually specify that there must be 1 teacher for 15 children.

Children try to avoid problems they cannot solve. If there are no perceivable problems with the class and the teachers, perhaps you need to have a chat with your child. If your judgment says that the place is good and the activity engaging enough, then it's time to work with your child. More often than not, social pressures may be at work here. Does your child have friends there? If she is lonely or miserable because of the lack of friends, help her find a friend. If she finds a friend, she will get more involved in the activities

If your best efforts do not pay off, and your child still resists that fantastic guitar classes, then it's time to let go. Shift your child to some other program. If he or she still retains interest in guitars, you can take it up after a few months. Never force the child, especially when it comes to extra-curricular activities. Since they are 'extra', they must bring in extra happiness and extra enthusiasm too.